The Power of Being Relational
What is RLT?
In today’s fast-paced world, it’s easy to get caught up in the hustle of work, family, and personal obligations. But at the core of our well-being, our relationships are what truly matter. Being relational isn’t just about communicating well—it’s about truly connectingwith the people in your life, understanding their needs, and working together to build a healthier dynamic.
As a sex and relationship therapist, I often teach my clients how to develop deeper, more meaningful connections with their partners and loved ones through Relational Life Therapy (RLT). This approach helps individuals and couples recognize their behaviors, identify patterns, and create healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
In this post, I’ll explore what it means to be relational and how RLT can guide you toward stronger, more satisfying relationships.
What Does It Mean to Be Relational?
At its core, being relational means recognizing that relationships are an integral part of our emotional and psychological well-being. It involves the capacity to connect with others in a way that is authentic, empathetic, and understanding. Being relational isn’t about merely solving problems or having functional interactions; it’s about building trust, intimacy, and emotional safety.
When we are relational, we are engaged in meaningful communication. We are present, actively listening, and responding with care and consideration. Being relational also means acknowledging and respecting the boundaries and needs of others while being aware of our own emotional landscape.
However, many people find themselves in relationships where disconnection is common—due to poor communication, unresolved conflict, or emotional withdrawal. That’s where RLT can help.
How Relational Life Therapy (RLT) Supports Healthy Relationships
Developed by Terry Real, Relational Life Therapy is an approach that emphasizes the importance of emotional honesty, connection, and intimacy in relationships. RLT provides the tools and frameworks to help individuals and couples develop healthier dynamics, overcome challenges, and communicate more effectively.
Here’s how RLT works:
Focus on the ‘Relational Dance’: Often, we get stuck in negative patterns or cycles of behavior in relationships. These cycles are like a “dance” where both partners play out familiar roles (e.g., one partner may withdraw while the other pursues). RLT helps you recognize these patterns and shift them by understanding the deeper emotions and needs that drive them.
Cultivating Emotional Literacy: One of the key aspects of being relational is having the ability to recognize, express, and understand your emotions. RLT helps clients develop emotional literacy—meaning the ability to identify and communicate their feelings in a healthy way, which leads to more connected and empathetic exchanges.
Addressing Power Dynamics: Relationships often struggle when there is an imbalance of power. In RLT, we focus on understanding power dynamics and how to create mutual respect and equality. This allows both partners to feel valued and heard.
Healing from Past Trauma: Many of the barriers to being relational stem from past wounds—whether from childhood, previous relationships, or trauma. RLT helps clients process and heal these past hurts, allowing them to show up more fully in their present relationships.
Building Healthy Boundaries: Boundaries are the foundation of healthy relationships. RLT teaches you how to set and respect boundaries in ways that foster trust, safety, and mutual respect. This is particularly important in intimate relationships where emotional and physical safety are paramount.
Why Being Relational Matters for Intimacy and Connection
Being relational isn’t just important for romantic relationships—it’s essential for all types of connections, whether with family, friends, or colleagues. In intimate relationships, when partners are relational, they experience a deeper sense of closeness and intimacy. Communication flows more easily, and there’s a stronger bond built on trust and mutual understanding.
Living relationally also means embracing vulnerability. It’s about opening up and allowing others to see us for who we truly are—the good, the bad, and the messy. This vulnerability strengthens the connection between partners and deepens the emotional intimacy that allows for a fulfilling sexual and emotional relationship.
RLT also creates a foundation of safety and respect, which is critical for fostering physical intimacy. When emotional needs are met, and both partners feel heard and valued, sexual intimacy becomes an extension of that emotional connection. Often couples come in to see me with a “sex problem” but they are really having a relational problem.
Practical Tips for Becoming More Relational:
Practice Active Listening: When your partner speaks, try to listen without interrupting or judging. Focus on understanding their feelings and experiences rather than offering solutions right away.
Be Honest About Your Feelings: Share your thoughts and emotions openly with your partner, even if it feels uncomfortable. Transparency fosters trust.
Set Boundaries That Honor Both Partners: Healthy boundaries allow each person to feel safe and respected. Take the time to communicate your needs and be receptive to your partner’s needs.
Work Through Conflict Constructively: Disagreements are a natural part of any relationship. In RLT, we teach clients to approach conflict with curiosity and respect, rather than defensiveness or blame.
Engage in Regular Check-ins: Make it a habit to regularly check in with your partner about how things are going emotionally. This helps prevent issues from piling up and promotes ongoing connection.
Being relational is at the heart of every healthy relationship. It’s about truly seeing and understanding the other person, creating a space where both partners can be vulnerable, and working together to meet each other’s emotional and physical needs. RLT can be a powerful tool to help you build these deeper, more fulfilling connections—whether in romantic relationships, friendships, or family dynamics.
If you’re ready to break out of negative patterns and start building the relationship you deserve, RLT can help guide you toward a more connected and empowered future.